


bonfire heart

by icemakestars



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Anal Sex, Arson, Biting, Blow Jobs, Cowgirl Position, Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Multi, One Night Stands, Teasing, Trans Female Character, nothing explicit I promise, supposedly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2019-10-22 14:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17664269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icemakestars/pseuds/icemakestars
Summary: A slew of fires has plagued Magnolia over the last few months, all started by a mysterious arsonist known only as END.  Gray Fullbuster is the detective tasked with investigating the fires and after months of getting nowhere he visits a pub with his friends looking to forget if only for a short while.Natsu Dragneel is a young man who is angry at the lack of justice for what he considers true victims of crime. Once the two meet they will embark on a relationship that will  change both their lives.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first chapter of my story for the Fairy Tail Big Bang on Tumblr. My artist is @h-eartfilias and I implore you to check her work out. When she posts the art for this I will link it here too. 
> 
> Every chapter of this story is written bar one, so please expect regular updates (me, finishing a wip? it's apparently likely holy shit).
> 
> Thank you to mdelpin and newgeht for being my lovely betas and putting up with my frequent break downs! I hope you guys enjoy this story :)

The recent string of arson attacks had made work particularly difficult for Gray, especially since there were no significant leads. He was one of the main officers on what seemed to be a cold case, and it was disheartening, to say the least. He felt like a failure, like maybe there were other people more capable than him. His partner Gajeel had soothed those worries, suggesting a night out to relax. Gray had reluctantly agreed, dragging his other friends with him, friends he had met through university and always seemed prepared to have a good time.

  
This was not the way that Gray would ever have chosen to relax, although he could be partial to the odd night out. The music stirred up his thoughts, pushed a headache into the front of his mind, and the alcohol had not started to taste desirable to him yet. More than that he regretted that he had been coerced into spending the first night of his much-needed weekend like this by his friends. His very loved-up and more than willing to flaunt it at him friends. Gajeel and Juvia had left shortly after arriving, making up an excuse which nobody truly believed, and Lucy and Loke were currently pressed tightly together, swaying to the beat of the of the room, her lips pressed against the curve of his neck. It was sickening how cute they were together, and Gray hated the part of him that envied that intimate connection, although he would always support the happiness of the people that he loved.

  
The bar was almost empty, and Gray sat next to the redhead who was drinking alone. He’d noticed her before, she was difficult to miss, being as beautiful as she was, but he knew better than to try anything with her. Before Lucy, Loke had seen if he had a chance of getting her into bed. Maybe it was his arrogance, or the alcohol tainting his judgment, but Loke had been more forceful with his suggestions than usual, and they all learned that the only person more terrifying than the red redhead her white-haired girlfriend who worked behind the bar. Loke still had the scar to prove it.

  
Gray tipped his glass at her, and she nodded, mouthing her name, ‘Erza’, before downing her drink. Gray responded in turn, offering to get her next round. When the bartender came to dry glasses quite pointedly in front of him, he smiled at her.

  
“You two make a lovely couple.” He complimented, just noticing the way that their lips met quickly before he turned on his stool, leaving a note on the bar which would cover the two drinks.

  
Just one more whiskey and coke and he would find a reason to leave. Not that Lucy and Loke would notice his absence, of course, as infatuated with each other as they were. More than once, the pair had been so engrossed in each other that they had left without a word to Gray, leaving him to taxi home by himself. They apologised, of course, but Gray still often made jokes about how easily forgettable he clearly was.

  
In the beginning, it had been comical to Gray; he had never expected anyone to be able to tame his oldest friend. But Lucy was a sweet girl with enough fire to hold her own against Loke’s charisma, and he was glad  they had found each other. He hoped they lasted, because the only thing worse than trying to pick someone up at a club was trying to pick someone up when his competition was Loke. That had never worked in his favour.

  
“Is this seat taken?”

  
A soft voice drew him out of his daydream, and he gestured vaguely at the source that it was fine to sit. When he eventually turned back to the bar after his glass had been filled, Gray was surprised to see someone so attractive sat next to him.

  
The man had a messy pink undercut and big eyes, although Gray couldn’t tell exactly what shade they were in the dim club lighting. His smile was crooked, and when he flashed it at Gray there was something fluttering in his chest that he’d never admit to aloud.

  
“I’m Gray.”

  
“Natsu.”

  
Natsu’s voice was softer than his rugged appearance, and Gray wondered if the man was the same age as him or not. He licked his lips, eyes trailing along the scar on Natsu’s neck.

  
“Can I buy you a drink?” Gray asked.

  
“Only if you’ll give me a dance,” Natsu smirked wickedly and Gray grinned back, pushing himself from the chair and waiting for Natsu to make the next move. It wasn’t like him to be presumptuous, after all.

  
When their feet hit the dance floor, the music twisted to sound harsher, rougher. Natsu pulled Gray in close from behind, thumbs tucked loosely in Gray’s belt as the taller man swayed against him. Gray’s arm snaked backward to grip Natsu’s hair, head turned down as Natsu’s turned up, lips not touching but the implication was close enough that Gray felt a thrill from it nonetheless.

  
Light from the club danced in Natsu’s eyes transforming their vibrancy into a kaleidoscope of shades and tones, and Gray could not help but be entrapped in their beauty, caught up in the smell of patchouli and smoke that wafted from the shorter man’s clothes.

  
It was very rare that Gray approached men in clubs, partly because he had a certain type that he did not see often, but mostly because if he read the intentions of the other men wrong it could end badly for everyone. But there was no mistaking how attractive Natsu was, and as the white strobes flashed over his face, Gray caught a glance of tanned skin and beads of sweat. Natsu’s tongue licked a stripe behind Gray’s ear, and –fuck– there was no reading his intentions wrong. Gray spun himself around and caught Natsu’s lips in his own. It was a teasing kiss, a prelude to what was hopefully to come, and even over the rumble of the music Gray heard Natsu’s whine as he pulled back.

  
“Someone’s eager.” He mused. Natsu was the epitome of his type, and Gray would have been humbled at such a display, if he could overcome the embarrassment first.

  
Natsu bit his lip, raking his eyes so obviously over Gray’s tight white shirt. He nearly squirmed under Natsu’s gaze, unaccustomed to such an obvious display of desire.

“Well, I have a lot to be excited about.”

  
Gray did not tell Loke when he left.

  
He knew that he should have,  that was one of the first and most basic rules of going out with friends, but Loke had abandoned him on many nights out for some floozy, and that did not even begin to count the times Lucy had also neglected to tell Gray of their disappearance. Besides, when Natsu was grinding ardently against his thigh, Gray’s own erection struggling against his black jeans, nothing filled his mind other than taking care of both of those things. And soon.

  
The taxi to Gray’s place was excruciating, even though he only lived about a ten-minute drive away. Neither of them spoke, but on  occasion their arms brushed, or their fingers met, and Gray felt it pulse through him in waves. It had been years since he’d had such a strong reaction to someone, and if the way that Natsu was eyeing him up was any indication then he felt the same too.

  
Gray threw a note at the driver, not bothering to wait for change, and almost sprinted to his front door. He was still fumbling with his keys when Natsu slotted in behind him, rolling his hips and running his warm hands along Gray’s chest.

  
“This’ll take a lot longer if you keep that up.” Gray moaned, and Natsu chuckled lowly in his ear.

  
“This might, but will you?”

  
His door swung open, and Gray turned on the light. He put some distance between Natsu and himself, allowing himself a moment to really look at the shorter man.

  
There was nothing especially striking about his choice in clothes. He was wearing blue denim jeans and a faded band shirt, and he had piercings along the length of one ear and one nostril. Although Gray had never found body modifications sexy before, he certainly was not opposed to them on this man.

  
“That sounds like a challenge.”

  
Gray pulled Natsu into his house by the scruff of his shirt, laughing into Natsu’s mouth as he kicked the front door shut behind them. Their lips met once more, but this time with an intensity that had Gray groaning into Natsu’s open mouth. Gray was backed up against the wall, Natsu’s hands roaming under his shirt, along his abs, and over his nipples. When his mouth followed suit, Gray’s head hit the wall with a dull thud.

  
“You’re so cold.” Natsu mumbled against Gray’s stomach, dropping to his knees and pulling down Gray’s jeans with him. “But this part of you is hot as fuck.” 

Gray laughed lightly, knowing that few people were used to the cold climate that he preferred. This man especially seemed to be the opposite; eyes smokey with lust, hands and breath hot against Gray’s skin. It was a beautiful sensation, an addicting one, and Gray’s breath hitched with the power of it.

Natsu ran his tongue along Gray’s length, eyes burning cinders when they met Gray’s, eagerly lapping in every tight muscle in his jaw and flush of his neck. A damp spot formed inside Gray’s bulging boxers, and Natsu latched onto it, swirling his tongue over the cloth and tasting Gray’s cock throughout, humming and suckling over the member until Gray was panting hard, eyes screwed shut. He rolled the grey boxers down Gray’s thighs, lips moistening at the flared pink tip which greeted him.  Leaning forward, Natsu paused, not wanting to end things too soon.

  
“If I finish you here, would you still have it in you to fuck me after?”

  
Hands grabbed his collar, and he was thrust upwards, forced to stand and meet Gray’s gaze before lips came crashing down on his own. Their kiss was brief, passing, and Gray had gained collection over his thoughts when they separated.

  
“I would rather fuck you properly first time around.” Gray murmured, running his hands down Natsu’s chest. When his hands reached the hem of his shirt, he pulled it over the short boy’s head. Gray discarded the material in his hallway and dragged Natsu further into his house.

  
His bedroom was the last door in the hallway, and Gray paused for only a second, wondering what state he had left it in. There were clothes on the floor and a couple empty cups, maybe a bin which needed emptying, but nothing overly dramatic. Natsu didn’t even seem to notice when he pushed open the door ahead of Gray and let himself inside.

  
“Your place is way cleaner than mine, I’m impressed.” Natsu whistled, and Gray was momentarily concerned about the state of the poor man’s house. This was not the time for that, however; he pushed Natsu onto his bed, straddling him. A short game of twister ensued as they attempted to remove their clothes. Limbs tangled and lips colliding in impatient desperation. Before their clothes were lost on the floor, Natsu haggled two sachets from his pocket, and Gray peppered kisses down his neck whilst chuckling.

  
“Was this your plan all along?”

  
Natsu’s response was breathless as Gray reached around and rubbed a dry finger against his hole, testing to see if he would be giving or receiving. Either was okay, but judging by Natsu’s earlier words, Gray assumed that he preferred to bottom.

  
“Go home with a hot guy? Isn’t that always the plan?” Natsu handed the sachets to Gray, and he tears them open, leaving the condom in its wrapper as the cool lube is drizzled over his fingers.

  
His grin was wide and aloof,“You think I’m hot?”

  
Natsu pressed his ass against Gray’s now slick fingers, rolling his eyes.

  
“What, was me sucking your dick too subtle for you?”

  
Gray thrust his index finger all the way to the third knuckle, already circling Natsu’s rim with his second finger. Natsu gasped, hands seeking purchase in the cushions below his head. They offered no support, and he scratched at the headboard instead, body rolling with the brutal rhythm that Gray had already set.

  
“You’re a damn brat, you know.”

  
No response this time, as Natsu’s words were choked off when Gray pushed his second finger in, immediately scissoring him in small, circular motions. Gray bent down and tugged on Natsu’s nipple with his lips, dragging it away from the toned body with his teeth. When Natsu arched off of the bed at the contact, Gray noticed a dragon tattoo snaking down his spine, and wondered briefly about its significance.

  
“I’m good to go when you are.” Natsu breathed, and any thought which did not involve fucking the pink haired, red-cheeked man splayed lewdly in front of Gray are utterly discarded from his mind.

  
Gray nodded, chapped lip caught between sharp teeth as he concentrated on rolling the condom down his swollen, leaking erection. He positioned himself between Natsu’s legs, taking a moment to admire the untouched cock pressed between their stomachs. He was longer, but Natsu was definitely thicker; Gray wanted to experience it stretching him open one day, hoping that they could do this again if not just for that.

  
With undulating rolls of his hips, Gray pushed inside Natsu, pausing when his tip penetrated to give the other man time to adjust. This was something that Natsu did not need, apparently, as he bucked his hips until more of Gray’s member was inside of him, and they both groaned at the sensation, partly dulled by the thin rubber cover. Still, no matter how drunk or aroused Gray was, he would never risk unprotected sex with a stranger. The fact that they were using Natsu’s condom showed that he felt the same way, too.

  
Arching himself further over Natsu, Gray raised himself up onto his knees, hooking Natsu’s legs from around his body to instead rest over his shoulders. This angle was deeper, and one Gray much preferred. He did one thrust, long and slow, testing how Natsu’s body would respond. When Natsu’s eyes widened, mouth going slack as his body sucked Gray in, the taller man knew that this position would do them fine. For now. He aimed for Natsu’s prostate, taking a few more experimental rolls of his hips until he found it. Once Gray had perfected his angle, the pace was quick and hard, pushing Natsu further and further against the headboard with each purposeful thrust.

  
With the alcohol coursing through his veins, Gray knew that he would not last long. This, naturally, was not helped by the loud, keening noises that Natsu was making. He said the lewdest things too,  each syllable pushing Gray closer to the edge.

  
“Ah – shit! Fuck me!”

  
“Oh god yes, right there!”

  
“Hmm, oh god! Harder! Yes!”

  
“Shit – so good. Such a good cock – oh fuck.”

  
Gray gritted his teeth against the onslaught, his grip on Natsu’s thighs tightening enough to bruise. This seemed to spur the boy on more, as he was almost screaming with the intensity of the pleasure coursing through him. Gray knew that he would have to avoid his neighbours for the foreseeable future. And yet, he could feel it too, a bliss so intense it was tearing him apart, and he did not want it to stop, couldn’t stop it even if he tried. There was something about Natsu that drew Gray in further, and he breathed in the smaller boy, taking in everything about his appearance, his scent, his voice. It was all there, in the front of Gray’s mind, completely erasing the headache from earlier that night. Gray knew that this image, this memory, would remain there, with him, for as long as he could retain it. He had never been with anyone with as much fire as Natsu, after all; he would not forget this for a long time to come.

  
When Natsu lunged forward and grabbed Gray’s shoulders, he yelped in surprise, being thrown off balance by the sudden act. He hit his mattress hard, the breath knocked from him, and Natsu loomed over him, eyes glinting dangerously as he thrust down onto Gray’s cock. He pinned Gray’s hands above his head, forcing the other man to just watch and feel as he bounced avidly, and Gray let his eyes screw shut, forehead creasing as guttural moans were torn from his chest. Natsu seemed hypnotised by his noises, and held both of his wrists in just one hand, using the free one to stroke down Gray’s neck, along his collar bone, and over his pecs. Gray thrashed and flushed at the attention – not something which he was especially used to during sex – and knew that his groans were verging more on soft whines. He was too lost in pleasure to be embarrassed, and when Natsu’s ass clenched around him at the tip and then dragged all the way down to his base, Gray knew that he was done for.

  
“Shit!” He hissed, mouth falling open as he sucked in as much breath as he could. Natsu continued to ride him, milking everything into the condom that he could feel swelling inside him. Just as he reached the verge of his own orgasm, Natsu sunk his teeth into Gray’s shoulder. His mouth latched on as his hips kept bucking wildly, losing all sense of timing and purpose. It was primal and animalistic, and altogether too much for Gray’s sensitive body to handle. He felt like he could come again just from that if his body were not so utterly exhausted.

  
Natsu’s cum decorated Gray’s chest, and when Natsu unhinged himself from Gray’s shoulder, it was stuck to his stomach as well. Their foreheads fell together, and their breath mingled, lips seeking deft contact between tired pants. With a wince, Natsu pulled off of Gray’s almost completely flaccid member. Gray only lay for a moment longer before sitting up and gently pulling off the condom. Neither of them spoke, unable to  find any words to describe the intensity of what had just happened, and Gray almost preferred it that way. He went to his bathroom to dispose of it and splashed some cold water onto his face to freshen himself up. Even so, he looked tired and fucked-out and knew that there was nothing that he could do to cover up that sole truth.

  
He made sure to turn the heating up for Natsu, not wanting the other man to be too cold because of Gray's peculiar taste in temperature, and turned all of the lights off as he went. Padding barefoot back to his bedroom with a damp cloth and a glass of water for Natsu, Gray expected pretty much anything except what he found; Natsu was curled onto his side, boxers on, snoring soundly. A crumpled tissue lay next to him, and Gray threw it onto the floor to discard tomorrow. As softly as possible, Gray wiped up the semen which Natsu had missed, and left the glass of water on the stand next to the sleeping man’s head. Then, taking one last look at Natsu which was surprisingly fond for him and a one night stand, Gray turned off his light and pulled the crumpled sheets over them, not wanting Natsu’s heat to seep away. Gray instinctively curled into the other man’s warmth, falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story is actually developed yeehonk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s reference to sexual abuse here. Like I said, nothing explicit, it’s just implied through survivor trauma and I thought I should make you all aware <3

When Natsu woke the next morning, he had no idea where he was.   
  


It came back to him slowly, in fractured sounds and blurs of colour, and when he tried to fling himself out of bed  it all flooded back with perfect clarity. His ass hurt badly, and he was suddenly incredibly grateful for the packet of paracetamol and the glass of water which sat in front of him. Under the glass was a note, and as Natsu chugged the water to try and ease the ache in his head and his backside, he read the scrawled words,

  
_ Morning sleeping beauty, hope you don’t feel too bad. I had some errands to run and didn’t want to wake up, but help yourself to any food or drink in the house, and if you want to leave before I get back lock the door and shove the keys through the letterbox. And call me, if you want. Gray. _

  
A number had been hastily written under the name, and Natsu blushed slightly, folding the paper and squeezing it tightly in the palm of his hand. Gritting his teeth, Natsu climbed out of bed and searched for his clothes on the floor. Getting dressed was hard for him, and he groaned with every roll of his overused and sensitive muscles. When he reached the door, he was missing a sock and the majority of his dignity, and the note, however crumpled, still burned in his pocket. This was a one-night thing, nothing more. Natsu steeled himself on that fact, knowing that any kind of attachment would end badly for him and anyone else involved. Still, last night had been really good – verging on amazing, in fact – and he was tempted to give Gray a call just so he could experience that mind-numbing bliss once again.

  
A key sat on the dresser in the hallway, and Natsu unlocked the door with it. The apartment was plain and lacked many personal touches; Gray did not seem to be that type of man, unlike Natsu who had a habit of hoarding possessions that he thought of as valuable. He slid on his shoes, nose scrunched up at the feel of trainers against his bare heel, and pushed open the door.

  
The light outside assaulted him terribly, and Natsu checked his phone. It was only eight a.m. and it was already far too bright for him. Pushing the key through the letterbox, Natsu flattened down his shirt and cleared his throat, wishing he had a bottle of water to sip on his walk home. Assuming he would be able to get there from this unfamiliar place. Natsu groaned at the absurdity of it all, stretched his muscles and then wincing at the wave of nausea that passed through him. The air was warm at least, and in the early stages of autumn, that was all he could ask for. At the end of the road, there was a high-street and that allowed Natsu to find his bearings in relative harmony. 

  
Stumbling home in shame, Natsu thought about what had happened last night, before he had gone to the club and hooked up with Gray, and almost managed a smile to himself. He had drunk more than usual, and although certain parts were a blur, he still remembered the majority of it, and that was a sign of a good night. 

  
Knowing that the house had been found by now filled him with a new sense of vigour, and he felt it tingling through the palm of his hand and down to his fingertips. The woman had fucking deserved it, selling drugs to underaged and vulnerable kids. She made money from their misfortune and neglect, and as soon as she had moved Natsu had seen that her house had been set ablaze. He had lost too many friends to her toxicity, seen too many people shrivel and rot from the inside out with the poison that they fed themselves under her guidance. Children from broken homes needed love and care, but what she provided was an early grave. Natsu would never have a shred of respect for a criminal like her, even if the law would tar him with a similar brush.

  
That’s what he did, finding ways to control the itch that fire set under his skin, needing to see the flames flicker under the night sky’s blue abyss, and let his lungs cloud with smoke. Not the cigarette kind; the deep, dark, smouldering cinders which blackened the air and choked him with the prowess of its malice. So many monsters lurked in the dark, and Natsu’s light exposed them, threw their lives into the hands of the police at the risk of his own freedom.

  
Yes, it was illegal, but morally Natsu rationalised it as a grey area; he liked fire, and he liked scumbags getting what they deserved. Nobody was ever hurt by his actions, as the properties and land were always empty. He hadn’t been caught yet, and that was always a bonus.

  
He arrived at home more tired than when he had first woken up, and only spent a moment petting his cat before he threw down his things and crawled back into bed. Before he had  time to sleep, his phone vibrated, the noise jolting him from the pre-sleep haze he had managed to enter.

  
“Fuck off…” He groaned, until he saw the message on the screen.

  
Erik: Meredy is having a bad day. Meet us at 10 tonight, usual place.

  
Natsu switched his phone off and yawned, knowing that he had to be fully rested before the antics which would surely happen in the evening.

  
~’*’~

  
Summer was giving way to autumn, but her warmth still clung to the humid air and Natsu basked in it, tipping his head back and breathing it in whilst it lasted. He hated the winter, or anything remotely cold, and could not wait for the first signs of spring in the new year.

  
His jacket was zipped up to the top, hood pulled tight over his messy hair. This was a practical note as well as a personal preference; it was likely that at least one law would be broken by the end of the night, especially with his two closest friends with him. His jacket offered a small disguise should anyone catch them, at least enough to contort his features into something semi-unrecognisable.

  
“I just wish I could escape it, you know? Like it makes me sick to think that he still has this over me.” Meredy kicked a bottle on the floor and Natsu followed it as it rolled down the drain. She was even more sensitive to the cold than he was, and already wore her signature pink earmuffs to manage that. Erik thought that they were both hilarious in the winter, and he smiled wryly at them now as Natsu thrust his hands into his pockets. Something small moved in the corner of his vision, and he winced when he realised that Erik had once again brought his little hognose with him on their nightly excursions.

  
“He’s been dead for years, Em,” Natsu said, not trying to patronise the girl but merely comfort her with the fact that she was not nearly as trapped in the past as she thought.

  
She sighed in frustration, balling up her fists and leaning dramatically on Erik. Meredy hopped onto the low-set park wall, and Erik followed suit, sitting on one leg and letting the other touch the floor. Natsu stood by the trees lining the path, watching the few people still around scurry home from work, or stagger on drunken nights out. He was not surprised when nobody bothered them; three youths out past midnight were an alarm bell for most, and criminals for others. The fact that their estimate would be correct did little to ease Natsu’s frustrations at being tarred with the same brush as the other lowlifes he had encountered around the city.

  
“That just makes it worse! That means that he’s got this stupid fucking claim on me from beyond the grave.”

  
Erik’s head snapped up at that, his one good eye darker, the scarred bad eye twitching.

  
“Nobody has a claim on you, Meredy, except yourself. You are your own person, and what that fuck did to you is in no way a reflection of who you are or who you will be. You are giving him this power, and he does not deserve it; you don’t either. You deserve the world, and he deserves everything he fucking got.”

  
The wind rustled the leaves above Natsu’s head, filling the silence left by Erik’s words. He did not speak often, but when he did it was either prolific in how sweet it was, or how dumb. Natsu was glad that he had chosen the former on this occasion, as was Meredy,

  
“I wouldn’t mind you having a claim on me, sugar.” She cooed, staring at him with such intensity that Natsu turned away.

  
“You’re way more important to me than an object I could claim, candy,” Erik replied in kind, and Natsu made a gagging noise, resulting in a sharp kick from Meredy’s leather boot. 

  
Still, Meredy was tugging her jacket tightly over her chest, something she only did when she was anxious, and Natsu felt something more than compassion, or frustration, or sympathy; he was angry, truly and wholly, and there was only one thing that would allow his rage to disappear, like a cloud of smoke. 

  
He jolted forward, laughing, and something smooth and cool fell into his grip from within his pockets, lodged under tissues and sweetie wrappers. Natsu’s smile was pure, chaotic mischief when he turned to face his friends.

  
“You losers can sit there all night, but I’m gonna go give that bastard what he deserves.” The lighter in his fingers did not flicker with as much menace as his eyes, but still, Meredy gasped. Erik put his pet snake into his pocket and jumped from the wall, pulling his collar high over his neck. 

 

He stared at Natsu with a heavy, level gaze,“This is a dumb idea, Natsu.”

  
“Which is exactly why we should do it.” He shook the rucksack balanced on his shoulder enticingly, but the other man remained seemingly unconvinced. He had been sensitive around fire since the accident that had cost him one of his first snakes, a boa constrictor named Cubellios, but Natsu had done nothing but reiterate the fact that fire was a cruel and fickle mistress. Sometimes she burned just to feel the pain in others, and all three of them had known plenty of that already, more than enough for a lifetime. It was unfortunate, but it was life. They knew no different. 

  
Meredy could not argue with that. Still, she had her doubts. Of course they knew about what Natsu did, had witnessed it more times than she could care to count, but they had never participated. And yet she had never hesitated when breaking the law before, but that had been over smaller issues like speeding or substance abuse; Natsu was talking about arson. Although she did know that her uncle’s house was empty now, and that was a comfort. The three of them had grown up in this area, and they knew it intimately, so they had no fear of nosy neighbours or any CCTV cameras which might expose them. Still, anxieties chewed away at her mind, and her voice shook when she spoke.

  
“How about we walk to the house, and I’ll see how I feel then?” She turned to face her boyfriend for reassurance and seemed to calm visibly when he nodded at her, offering a small smile and a raise of his eyebrow. The other could not move, contorted instead by the jagged scar running across his left eyelid.

  
And so they set off with Meredy leading the way and the two men following dutifully behind. Just before they turned onto the road where her uncle had once lived, she faltered in her confidence, and her strides became smaller, as did the light in her eyes. She clutched Erik’s arm and took one long, shaking breath before crossing the street and staring at the house which held the horrors of her childhood.

  
“Number thirty-one.” A whisper, carried along by the breeze which ruffled her hair and coloured Natsu’s cheeks.

  
“Number thirty-one.” Natsu agreed. Erik spat on the pavement in front of them, and for the longest stretch of time neither of them spoke.

  
Natsu dropped his rucksack on the floor and unzipped it, rummaging for only moments before producing a green glass bottle stuffed with fabric instead of a cap.   
  


“Do you really have those on you at all times?” 

  
Instead of giving Erik a verbal answer, Natsu laughed  handing the bottle to Meredy. In crude red paint, three letters were scrawled over it: END. She gulped, green eyes wide, breathing heavily through her nose.

  
“Come on M, this’ll help. Torch it!” He flicked the lighter on and off, daring Meredy with his eyes to take the next step. Erik sighed behind them, wrapping his hognose around his fingers.

  
“I still say that this is a dumb idea.”

  
Natsu rolled his eyes, mouth flatling at his friend’s attitude.   
  


“Do you really have to bring him everywhere with you?”Erik smirked.

  
“What, you think you two are better company?” He brought the snake to his eye-line as Meredy stuck her tongue out at her boyfriend’s childish words. They were a strange couple, Natsu thought, but could not imagine them with anyone but each other. Two fucked up people healing each other was a form of love, after all.

  
Meredy snatched the lighter from Natsu’s hands and stared at it for so long Natsu wondered if she were seeing it at all. Then, in one swift movement, she lit the cloth and threw the bottle into the broken window of her childhood home.

  
“Fuck you, you fucking bastard.” She hissed, and there was a wetness to her complexion that Natsu dared not mention. Erik came behind her, rested his hand on her shoulder, and she leaned into his touch, kissing his fingers in one of the most tender exchanges Natsu had seen from the pair. Natsu took her other hand, running his thumb over her calloused knuckles as they watched the house burn.

  
The smoke had curled its way into the trees when they left, feet hitting the pavement quicker than their hearts against their ribs as they ran. They ran from the memories, from the pain, and from the sirens which stalked them in the distance. There was a fire coursing through Natsu’s veins which he could never extinguish, a rush to what he did that he only felt in two circumstances; when he had just seen the first flake of ash carried into the sky, and when Gray tipped his head back and laughed.

  
Natsu frowned, pushing thoughts of azure eyes and smoke-stained fingertips from his mind and instead focusing on his friends in front of him. Meredy rounded the corner just after Natsu and Erik, doubling over and coughing into the crook of her arm. Erik checked on his snake Kinana and, once satisfied that his favourite snake was okay, kissed Meredy’s forehead. 

 

They were sweet, in their own way, and Natsu was glad that they had found each other; Meredy had a way of making people feel things even if they did not want to, and Erik was incredibly observant for such a stoic man. They complimented each other, had fallen into step with one another in a way that was as easy as breathing. In a way that had always made Natsu secretly slightly jealous, wishing that he, too, could find someone that he connected with so easily. Without meaning to, he thought about Gray again.

  
“We’ve got you, M. Nobody can hurt you anymore.” Natsu patted her shoulder affectionately, and when Erik nodded, she smiled brightly, blindingly, with no sadness hiding in the crevices of her face.

  
“My boys.” She cooed, taking both of their arms as they blended themselves further into the night’s darkness.

  
Natsu loved Meredy, loved her like a sister, and in many ways these two delinquents were the only family that he had left. His biggest regret was that he had known her back then, known her family, and yet had been clueless to her suffering. The system had failed her, as had his ignorance, but never again. He swore that he would protect her and if this chaos was what she needed to lay her soul to rest, then so be it; Natsu would provide it willingly.

  
Meredy laughed, and the weight of the sound freed a part of Natsu’s heart. She would be okay, he and Erik would make sure of it. That thought was soothing, and he carried it with him as they walked further into the night. 

  
~’*’~

  
The next morning, Gray jolted in his seat when Gajeel threw a heavy document onto his desk.

  
“You were wrong about END. His actions aren’t always linked to other crimes.”   
Gray stared at him blankly, and Gajeel frowned in annoyance.

  
“Last night he torched another place. It was empty, but it had belonged to a guy before that who had one claim of sexual assault against him filed by his niece, but it fell through because there was no proof and she was deemed unstable. In the eyes of the law, that man was innocent, and according to you END doesn’t destroy the property of innocent people. So good luck explaining that to Laxus in the meeting later.”

  
He walked away as quickly as he had arrived, and Gray muttered a sharp expletive under his breath. Gajeel was a good friend and an even better officer, but he could be one hell of a bastard when he wanted to be. It was going to be a long day at work, and Gray could not wait to relax at home afterward. And he needed a cigarette. Badly. 

  
Natsu had not contacted him yet, and Gray tried to not feel apprehensive over that fact. It had only been a few hours, and even if the call never came it was just a one-night stand. Those happened. Still, Natsu’s appearance and mannerisms were intriguing, and Gray would have liked to see him again. 

  
However, before then, he had to figure out why END had chosen number thirty-one Crescent Drive as his most recent place of attack. The other incidents had been linked to other crimes; drug dens, convicted paedophiles, renowned far-rights who were as vile to minorities on the streets as they were online. At one point, Gray had even tried to argue that END was acting out of a warped sense of heroism, that he might not be that bad of a guy at all… and now they had a house where the previous owner – who had been dead for years – had no previous convictions apart from an accusation which had not stood up in a court of law… nothing made sense to Gray, and he groaned in frustration,  pushing himself away from his desk and rubbing his hands over his face.

  
As if on cue, his phone vibrated on his desk, and he searched through paperwork and empty paper coffee cups until he found the offending item. Gray scanned the notification idly, expecting a call centre or his network provider offering him a deal that he would either ignore or refuse. It read that he had one new message, but there was no name accompanying it, just a number which Gray did not recognise. He pieced it together slowly, the answer seemingly obvious once he realised that he had only given his number to one person recently.

  
I’ll be over later. Be in at 8. Order pizza.

  
“Brat.” Gray mused aloud, but could not resist the twitch of his lips into a pleased smirk.

  
His day was going to end better than he had thought it would after all, with the presence of Natsu soothing the hard aches of his day in the office.  
  
  
  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for transphobia and alcohol mention, but i believe thats all...
> 
> changed my tumblr to gaymirajane so come follow me yeehaw

When Gray yawned, Natsu shoved another slice of pizza into his mouth. He choked around it, shoving the shorter boy from his lap and onto his floor.

  
“Arsehole!” He yelled indignantly, and Gray grinned in response.

  
“Well, they say that you are what you eat.”   
  


The blush that spread across Natsu’s cheeks was satisfying, especially when framed against soft pink hair and the matte green of Gray’s jumper. Gray was just in his boxers, not bothering to get dressed after their evening spent together. Once Natsu had arrived they had fallen straight into Gray’s bed, eager to repeat the first night when they had met. Now Gray was physically tired and still frustrated about work. Natsu was a pleasant, but exhausting, distraction, and Gray found himself less concerned about fires and more about his pink flame.    
  


“I was wondering… what does your tattoo signify?”   
  


As Natsu settled back onto Gray’s legs, his eyes lit up like a wildfire, and Gray was surprised with how endeared he was by Natsu’s childish, toothy smile.   
  


“I got it for my dad, Igneel! He adopted me when I was a kid, and he was so badass!”

  
Amused, Gray cocked his eyebrow, enticing the younger boy to tell his story in its entirety.

  
“Igneel was the leader of the local mob, and he could get so scary people said he was like a real dragon. He took me in after my parents died and my older brother went off the rails, but the mob disbanded shortly after and disappeared… he’s dead now, actually.” Natsu’s nose scrunched up, and he leaned into Gray, sighing softly.   
Silence cascaded down on them, dense and uncomfortable, and Gray winced. He had never been especially good at comforting people. But this was soft, Natsu seeking him, needing him, and it warmed Gray’s chest, wet his eyes. He was feeling emotional, and that was a sign that he had been skipping his medication; he would need to check that. 

  
“You do realise that gang activity is illegal, right?” His voice is too loud, too coarse. He cleared his throat, and Natsu blinked at him, the ghost of a smile turning the corner of his mouth.

  
“What, are you some kind of pig?”   
  


“Well… yeah, actually.”   
  


The look on Natsu’s face was almost comical, with his eyes wide and mouth open. But there’s a fear there that Gray cannot place, gone as quickly as it came, and then Natsu’s laughing, pushing himself from Gray and collecting his scattered belongings. He was tense, not meeting Grays gaze, and the whole scene was bizarre, had an off feel that left Gray nauseous, although he does not understand why. 

  
“Well I’d better go… shit to do and all that.”

  
Gray watched, confused, and the one attempt he made to grab Natsu’s arm is shaken off. It hurt, of course, but he pushed that feeling back, tucking it into a small crevice of his mind where his feelings for the other man were not fully admitted. 

  
Before Gray had time to stand, Natsu was at the door, pulling on his shoes in haste. One sock got caught, bunched around the arch of his foot, but Natsu does not seem to notice. It’s awkward and rushed, and Gray isn’t sure what emotion he’s supposed to feel, so he does what he does best; he does not feel any.

  
“Some might think you only want me for my body.” He joked, smile fading when Natsu gave him a serious, headlong stare.

  
“That’s all this is Gray, sex. Goodnight.”

  
And then Natsu was gone, leaving Gray’s door ajar, the night air creeping in and coiling around Gray’s ankles.

  
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Gray wasn’t supposed to feel empty when Natsu left, wasn’t supposed to feel his lungs collapsing in his chest like all of the oxygen had been drawn from the room. But he did, and it terrified him more than anything else ever had. Hook-ups with no strings attached, that’s what Gray wanted. That’s all Natsu was. Even to himself, Gray was a poor liar.

  
He went to his fridge, pushed past the leftovers from the night before and the vegetables which were on the precipice of sprouting, and instead grabbed a pack of cider. It was sweeter than beer, and although it was not his drink of choice, it could sometimes make a pleasant change. Slamming the door shut, he fell back onto his settee, cracking open the can and taking three long glugs of its contents. 

  
He remembered shortly after about his medication, found a pack and checked the amount. He had not taken them for a week, his brain high on the rush that Natsu gave. But now he was crashing, and Gray felt a deep exhaustion set into his bones, nestling through his soul. Gray popped two into his palm and tipped them into his mouth, washing them down with alcohol. He could not afford to spiral, not when this part of his career was so crucial, but depression was like his ex; no matter what he did she just kept coming back. In some ways, depression was the only thing that had stayed with him all these years, his one constant, always keeping him company. Gray would rather be alone.

  
The settee is still warm, and he curled into its embrace, finishing his can and letting his head fall to the side. The pillows still smelt like Natsu, and Gray shifted closer to them, taking deep and unsteady breaths. That’s where Gray fell asleep, with the corpses of cider cans strewn over his lap, and the scent of Natsu pressed firmly against his face.

  
~’*’~

  
The next time he saw Natsu, it was in the club. The usual white-haired barmaid was not working, and she danced lewdly with the woman named Erza. Alcohol flushed their cheeks, and they were so absorbed in one another that they did not notice their surroundings, or the group of men that stood leering at them from afar. Gray wanted to go over and tell them, as politely as he could, to get fucked, but as he took a step towards them a voice from behind startled him.

  
“Hey gorgeous, you come here often?”   
  


Gray turned, and Natsu was smirking at him, arms folded, and eyebrow raised.   
  


“Depends how often you come here.” Gray retorted, leaning in to give Natsu a kiss on the lips. He was too aware of their surroundings for it to be lingering, but still Natsu’s smile was satisfied, and Gray wrapped his arm around the other man’s waist.

  
“I didn’t know that you’d be here tonight.”   
  


“Neither did I. I got dragged here again.” Gray laughed, nodding purposefully at Loke and Lucy, who were once again ignoring him. He had no idea why they insisted on bringing him anymore. Gajeel and Juvia were non-existent, had left already, and Gray could see the same cycle repeating. It was a frustrating sequence that they had fallen into, one that Gray was determined to break. In a moment of clarity, Gray realised that he was there out of pity, a constant fifth wheel, and he decided: no more.   
  


Natsu watched them dance for a second, and then he laughed, pointing to a couple in the crowd that Gray did not recognise. They were around his age, with one being a short woman with hair a colour that rivalled Natsu’s, and the other a tall man with a scar across his face visible even in the dim club lighting. Her arms were around his neck, his hands on her hips, and they swayed out of time to the club music. It was intense to watch, and Gray felt like he was intruding on something precious, something that did not belong to him. Instinctively, he drew his gaze back to Natsu.   
  


“They forced me to come tonight, actually. It isn’t normally Erik’s scene, but he has a hard time saying no to Meredy.” Natsu shrugged, smiling at them in a way that can only be described as fond. Gray recognised the emotion, had felt it burning his cheeks as he stared at Natsu before.    
  


Gray wet his lips, reading Natsu’s features carefully. He looked good tonight, like every night, in a black band shirt and a denim waistcoat over the top. There were more ear piercings than Gray remembered, although he had not paid much attention to Natsu’s ears; usually another part of his body was demanding attention.   
  


“I doubt they’d noticed if we weren’t here.”   
  


He ran his hand over Natsu’s thigh, dragged his eyes along Natsu’s exposed collar and firm jaw until they reached his lips. Natsu pulled him in by his shirt, whispering hotly into his ear,

  
“Well who gives a fuck if they do or don’t?”   
  


They left almost immediately.   
  


The night air was a lot crisper than Gray remembered, but the alcohol had left his system as he had queued with Natsu to get the other man’s coat… and hat, gloves, and scarf.   
  


“You warm enough there, Natsu?” He teased, earning a swift elbow to the ribs.   
  


“Just because you’re a snowman isn’t my problem.”   
  


Gray laughed, his hand finding Natsu’s. There’s  pink in both of their cheeks that they would argue was down to the chill and nothing else, but Gray knew that the breeze did not explain his racing heart, or his urge to taste Natsu’s alcohol-stained lips on his own once again.

  
“Your friends seem… interesting.” Gray winced at how his voice faltered, and Natsu chuckled, low in his chest. Gray tried not to dwell on how much he loved the sound.   
They had no set destination, just two men wandering at night. If Gray was on the job he would be cautious of people like him and Natsu, and the taste of hypocrisy on his tongue was bitter. Still, he swallowed round it, focused only on the way the streetlights caused stars to burn in Natsu’s eyes.   
  


“Yeah they’re… fucking weird. But they’re the closest thing to family I have.” Natsu kicked a stone, watching it hop down the street. There’s a sadness to his expression that pained Gray to his core, and he wanted to kiss it away, to love Natsu until he breathed in dirt and exhaled flowers.    
  


“How did you meet?”   
  


“School, same as most people. We grew up in the same area, came from similar backgrounds, went through the same shit. Sometimes it isn’t the family you choose that hurts you, ya know? So we protected each other, had each other’s back. That’s how Erik got his scar.”   
  


Gray’s steps faltered, and he paused, holding Natsu still with him. Wordlessly, he guided them to a nearby bus shelter, and they perched on the uncomfortable slats, fingers still connected. When Gray stared at Natsu intently, the pink haired man took it as a cue to continue,   
  


“M… is complicated. She went through more than me and Erik, because, well… she was born a boy. Or like, in a boy’s body? I’m not really sure how it should be phrased but like, she’s trans, anyways, not like I’ve thought about it in years; now she’s just herself, just M. But we didn’t grow up in the most privileged of areas, and you know what people say about bringing guns to a knife fight. Well, someone bought a knife to a fist fight, trying to hurt Meredy of course, when she first transitioned. If Erik hadn’t been there…” Natsu shook his head in distaste, his grip on Gray tightening. “They got together not long after that, and to be honest I’ve always been jealous of how close they are, how much they just get each other.”   
  


And it was there again, this harshness that Gray did not recognise in the other man. But then it was gone, and Gray had to wonder if maybe he saw it at all, or if it was all just a trick of the streetlights and his own, liquor-buzzed brain.   
  


“He got the scar protecting his friend? That’s pretty intense.” Gray commented, and the look Natsu gave him was sharp; stern. Gray almost shied away from it.   
  


“He’d do it again. We both would.”   
  


A car sped past them blasting music, and Gray was grateful for the distraction. He had close friends who were verging on family, of course – like his adoptive siblings and the girl he grew up with, Cana – and he got on well enough with the friends he met at university and through his job, but the tone was different in Natsu, more earnest and primal. Like he was genuinely ready to kill or be killed at any moment, if it meant protecting the people that he cared most about. Although Gray understood that in theory, given his line of work, the way tension coiled in Natsu’s person made Gray’s heart race, and not for the correct reasons. He chose to ignore it, as he did most things which he found to be unsavoury, and rested his head on Natsu’s shoulder.   
  


They fit together in the most cliché of ways, as though together was what they were designed to be, and images of locks and keys, of jigsaw puzzles and rhymes came to mind, making Gray blush. He was not the poetic type, but he could lose himself in Natsu, would chose to if the other man would let him.

  
“You’re my favourite distraction.” He muttered, hoping that Natsu would not catch it. He did, of course, and his lips found Gray’s.

  
“What am I distracting you from?”   
  


Gray stretched, groaning as his hands dipped into his pocket, producing a cigarette. He patted the his jeans before swearing around the filter perched between his lips, remembering too late that he had lent his lighter to Loke.

  
“Here.” Natsu produced a lighter from his waistcoat, and Gray accepted it gratefully. It lit the first time, and the smoke that burst through his lungs was a bliss he felt guilty for succumbing to.

  
“Work, mostly. We’re pretty stuck on a case at the minute. Obviously I can’t give you any information, but it’s the most frustrated I’ve ever been.” Gray took one long drag of his cigarette, savouring the experience that he gotten so used to. He offered Natsu a smoke, but the other man declined, shaking his head and screwing up his nose. 

  
Gray found it odd that Natsu would carry a lighter when he was hesitant with a cigarette, but before he could ask any questions Natsu shifted, leaned his body away from Gray, and scuffed his feet along the ground. He seemed small then; fragile. Gray wanted to touch him, to hold him, but there was an aura surrounding Natsu that made him feel as though that is the last thing he should do, as if one wrong press of his fingertips could shatter the other man completely. 

  
“Do you… like what you do? For a job.”

  
“Why do I get the feeling you don’t approve of the police.” Gray laughed dryly, crisp.   
Natsu did not smile in return.

  
“I’m a poor person of colour living in a city. Let’s just say the police don’t tend to like me.”

  
The silence that thickened between them was biting, suffocating, and Gray could feel it soak into his pores. Natsu was so complex, so layered, and Gray wondered if he would ever truly get to the bottom of the other man’s true nature.

  
With tentative, shaking fingers, Gray placed his hand gently on Natsu’s arm. The other man did not flinch away, did not react at all, and when Gray spoke he was cautious, as if one wrong word might cause Natsu to flee.

  
“My job is good, because it proves to me that not everybody is bad. Of course, we deal with some scum, and it’s hard sometimes to leave that kind of evil at the office, but not everyone does bad things for bad reasons. Although I promote justice, I also want to be an advocate for fair play, and for people getting what they deserve. For me, that would mean that the motive matches the crime, and the crime fits the punishment; the law is a grey area, and that intrigues me. But again, I don’t think a lot of the supposed criminals I meet are terrible people, just lost individuals searching for something to call their own. Searching for a place to call home.”

  
By the end of his rambling, Natsu’s eyes were wide, and there was a wetness to them that he could not possibly blame on the cold. His lips on Gray’s came as a sudden surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Natsu’s hands found Gray’s hair, pulling on it urgently, and Gray opened his mouth to let their tongues meet, his hands cupping Natsu’s face sweetly. He had never enjoyed this kind of activity in public, but then he had never been with anyone quite like Natsu before. The way he moulded Gray into a new version of himself with every caress and every word, Gray found it as thrilling as he did terrifying. Only when Natsu’s fingers trailed under his shirt did Gray pull back.

  
“Would you like to be my distraction for a little while longer?” He panted against Natsu’s face, and he can see it wash over the other man’s skin in the damp, cool air.   
Natsu’s grin was wicked, demonic, and Gray’s heart constricted with the suggestion of it.

  
“It would be my pleasure.”   
  


They set a fast pace back to Gray’s, hands rigid to their sides, shoulders inches apart, from a fear that any contact may consume them; a flame this bright causes nothing but destruction, and Gray knew that he could run from it no longer. Natsu had engulfed his heart in warmth and light, and Gray did not want it back, did not want a single moment of this to change. Except maybe he did, maybe he wanted to wake up and know that Natsu would still be there, dopey and disorientated, but still there. Maybe Gray wanted to hold his hand when more than just alcohol filled their lungs, and maybe Gray wanted to know that, no matter what, Natsu was his.

  
But these were sober thoughts, and the most important thing to Gray in that moment was getting home and showing Natsu how precious, how dear to Gray he truly was becoming.   



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I........ can only apologise that it took me almost three months to post this. This chapter was a late decision for me, and took some organising and writing seeing as the rest of the story is written already. So the good news is updates should be regular after this! Yay! 
> 
> Also sorry that there isn't much action, but the development of their relationship is the real focus here... plus some smut because im fucking feral and have no concept of self restraint. 
> 
> This story basically wouldn't be possible without the help of the beautiful mdelpin, who not only puts up with my incoherent rambling but also beta's every chapter for me. She's also a seriously talented gratsu writer so please check out her stuff on here!! tysm <3

When Gray threw his keys onto his living room table they landed with a clatter, and he winced hard, the headache blazing in the back of his head pulsating, burning his skull until he went into the kitchen and chugged a cool glass of water. It helped to ease the throbs, but still Gray took two paracetamol and set his heart on an early and peaceful night in.

Just as he had filled his glass again to take into his bedroom with him, Gray felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket and groaned, praying that it was not an emergency at work.

 **Natsu:** I’m in the area. Can I come over?

Despite the bluntness of the message Gray read between the lines, saw what was hidden underneath the flippant tone. Natsu wanted to see him, and that fact alone was enough to turn his dream of an early night to dust.

Natsu had been visiting more regularly since they had last met at the club, and although it was often unplanned like this, Gray still cherished every one of those impromptu meetings. To him it felt as though their relationship was taking steps in the right direction, was heading the way he wanted it to, and that was as exciting as it was terrifying. But Gray had never been one to run from danger.

He typed back a quick “Of course” and then began hastily tidying his apartment, unsure as to how close Natsu actually was but still wanting to make the effort. Not that Natsu was the type of person to care about things like a few dirty plates and some unfolded washing, but Gray still felt nervous, like a teenager on their first date. It was stupid, probably, after all the times that Natsu had been in his apartment, but it felt as though the closer Gray got to the pink-haired man the more he wanted to impress him, and Gray thought that maybe simply loading his dishwasher would be a start.

Minutes later the doorbell rang, and Gray paused for only a second before answering. Natsu was stood smiling as always, long hair pinned back and body clad in a ridiculously oversized jumper. He looked cute, and for once Gray just wanted to hold him; nothing more.

“Hey.” Natsu shifted awkwardly, offering the whispers of a shy smile.

Gray stepped back, allowing the other man access to his home.

“Hey.”

“Sorry to drop in like this, but I was in the area and…” Natsu trailed off, a pinkness spread over his ears as Gray smirked at him. That was the oldest excuse there was and they both knew it.

Still, Gray was a gentleman at heart; he didn’t push it further, simply teased the other man instead.

“Admit it, you just couldn’t wait to see me.”

Natsu looked away petulantly, bottom lip caught between sharp teeth, but he didn’t deny it. Gray’s face flushed and he coughed, moving past Natsu and into the kitchen.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” He asked, standing by the sink and tipping his own water away.

“I’m good.” Natsu spoke gently, from right behind Gray, and then fell forward so that his head was resting between Gray’s shoulders. It was not quite an embrace, but the emotions were there still, and it did nothing to douse the flames over Gray’s skin. His headache was forgotten, his mind filled with nothing but Natsu.

“Is… everything okay?”

“It is now.” Natsu muttered, and then froze.

Gray almost dropped the glass in his hand, and was glad to be facing away from Natsu in that moment because he had been caught off-guard, and it was written so blatantly over his face.

“Natsu…”

“I just got a text from Erik! Him and M have been fighting for days but it seems like they’ve made up now, so everything is okay with me.” Natsu laughed, but it sounded forced, and sat heavily in the air. But when Gray turned there was no space between them, and Natsu’s eyes were wide when they searched his. He couldn’t find it within himself to challenge Natsu’s story, so instead Gray nodded, placed a gentle hand on the other man’s shoulder and guided him into the living room.

They were complicated, as most things in life are, but Gray knew in his heart that every second spent with Natsu was worth it. He was done pretending, was sick of lying to himself and those around him; he wanted Natsu in every capacity, and Gray was determined to find out if the sentiment was returned, or if his heart was hopeless, reaching for leaves already caught up in the wind.

Natsu fell against him and sighed, and Gray relaxed into the casual intimacy. They talked about movies, and food, and argued about sports teams and music genres, and for the first time Gray thought that he was getting a glimpse of the man underneath the facade which Natsu so often undertook. And he was equally shocked and relieved to realise that he loved that version of Natsu too.

~’*’~

Although Gray had never enjoyed his apartment being this warm and stuffy, Natsu seemed to exude heat, and Gray would not trade that sensation for anything. His head hit the pillow with force as Natsu shoved him down, pushing his legs up against his chest, and Gray cursed.

“Lube?” Natsu panted, hair messy and eyes blown with lust.

Gray pointed to the drawer and Natsu fumbled over his body, rooting through the drawer. They both laughed, breathless, and when their eyes met Gray felt nothing but fondness for the other man.

Soon enough his toes were curling, hips pushing down as two of Natsu’s fingers pressed upwards, massaging his insides until his fingers find Gray’s prostate. For someone so impatient, Natsu was thorough, gentle; it made the experience sweeter somehow, more intimate, and Gray thinks that, for the first time, Natsu is seeing him as a person rather than just another body to fuck.

“There… shit.” Gray’s eyes screw shut, hips arching from the bed as his knees fall forward, feet flat on the mattress.

“How much more do you need?”

Looking at Natsu then, the younger boy seemed almost pained, and Gray realised that Natsu’s tolerance was swiftly running out.

He grinned,

“With a dick as a small as yours, I should be good to go.”

The challenge was clear and flipped something inside Natsu. He grabbed Gray by the waist and turned him over onto his stomach, grip bruising Gray’s pale skin with a surprising amount of ease.

“Knees.” He growled, and his tone was deep and demanding; Gray shivered with the force of it, cock leaking, heavy at the tip. He complied happily, sitting up on all fours and waited with breath caught in his throat for Natsu to push himself inside.

He was not waiting long. One hand held Gray’s hip in place, the other lined up Natsu’s flared tip with Gray’s hole, and with one harsh roll of his hips, Natsu was inside, warm and large, stretching Gray out. He hissed, dropped his head low, as the pain tore through him, mixed with enough pleasure that Gray almost wanted more.

“Tell me when I can move,” Natsu demanded, and Gray simply nodded in response, all words lost to him .

Experimentally, Gray thrust his hips back, jolting more of Natsu’s thick member inside him, and when he’s met with nothing but sheer bliss, Gray groaned, setting a slow rhythm as he fucked himself against Natsu.

Natsu was as relentless as always, and Gray realised then that he fucked how he spoke, and how he moved; without inhibition. It would be something to admire if Natsu’s leaking member wasn’t dragging deliciously against his walls. Steeling his hands into the bed sheets until his knuckles were white, Gray let Natsu fuck him until he had to shut his eyes and just feel it.

There was sweat dripping down his neck and Natsu fell onto Gray’s back to lap at it, his tongue licking fire over Gray’s skin. His arms wrapped around the elder man’s stomach, and this position was deeper; more intimate. Gray felt each drag, each pulse, of Natsu’s member, and it was intoxicating. His fringe fell into his eyes but Gray could not bat it away, simply clung on as Natsu rutted against him.

“Sit up?” Natsu panted, his voice a simper against Gray’s neck, and he nodded his response.

With shaking limbs, Gray moved so that he was sat back on his heels and Natsu was slotted behind him. One of Natsu’s hands snaked around to grip his erection, the other rolling Gray’s nipples roughly, and the contact coupled with the abuse of his prostate was Gray’s undoing. He came in warm streaks over himself, falling forward onto his hands and knees once more.

Natsu pulled out abruptly and slotted his cock between Gray’s cheeks, thrusting until the friction became too much and he came over Gray’s back messily. He rested back on his haunches as Gray fell fully onto his front. With sweat slicked fingers Natsu scrambled for the box of tissues that sat by Gray’s bed and wiped his seed from Gray’s skin. The other man rolled over and smirked at Natsu, gesturing widely at the mess on his front, and the shorter man rolled his eyes at the clear demand. Still, he complied, cleaning Gray as best he could before discarding the tissue and flopping down next to his lover.

This was the most awkward time for Gray, when his skin itched with the need to hold the pink-haired man. He dared not take that risk, through fear of chasing Natsu away. Every time they hooked up Natsu would leave that same evening, or before Gray had even woken up. Staying in Gray’s bed - in Gray’s _arms_ \- felt like proof that maybe Gray’s longing for something more than sex was not necessarily one-sided. That maybe Natsu wanted him too.

Their arms pressed together at the sides, the sound of their breathing evening out  all that passed between them. Gray allowed his fingers to roam until they settled over Natsu’s wrist, testing the waters, dipping his toes into the idea that his feelings for Natsu ran much deeper than just physical. But Natsu didn’t know how to swim, he sat up quickly, scanning the room so that he could look everywhere apart from Gray, moving to grab a photograph which sat on the bedside table.

“Are these your siblings?” Natsu asked, pointing to the photo, brushing off the exchange.

Gray cleared his throat, slightly hurt by Natsu’s reluctance to hold his hand but unwilling to mention it. Instead, he eyed the photo, with its new frame and freshly polished glass. He had so few sentimental items in his house, it must have been obvious how important that photo was. It showed him stood between Lyon and Ultear, his fraternal brother and sister, and they were all laughing, free. Gray was surprised by how strongly he missed them.

“Kind of… Me and Lyon, the guy in the photo, were adopted by the same woman, who was the girl in the photo’s mum.” Gray stretched, leaning over Natsu’s torso to pluck the photo from the side. Natsu nestled into the curve of his body, legs entwined, and the whole scene verged on domestic; Gray’s heart raced with the realisation, but confusion set in. Natsu was unwilling to link their fingers, so why was this kind of physical contact okay? He still allowed his body to fall into the touch, respecting Natsu’s limits and letting him make the first move.

“I didn’t know that you were adopted,” Natsu said, nose crinkled at how stale the words sounded between them.

“Well, you never asked.” Gray’s smirk was exhausted, verging on sad. He knew that he was being difficult but his natural instinct was to shut down, to avoid anything that could make him vulnerable. Natsu punched him in the arm, and when Gray yelped in surprise he laughed.

“Tell me about them.” It was more a demand than a question, and when green eyes turned to scan his face in earnest, Gray felt the mask crumble, the walls he held falling as Gray nodded, unable to deny Natsu a peek inside.

 _“To be loved you first have to be known_.” Someone had said this to Gray as a child, perhaps his mother, before her death, or maybe his adoptive mother Ur. He wanted to make them both proud.

Natsu flopped onto his stomach, head resting on his folded arms, staring at Gray expectantly. The man sighed, lit a cigarette if only to fill the time as his mind folded in on itself. His head fell backward against the headboard, eyes closing as he took a long drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke coil around his lungs, the familiarity a comfort to him.

“My dad died during the war. He was a peaceful man, from what I can remember, but he was conscripted and only lasted a few months. Mum raised me by herself but it was too much for her and she died not long after from heart failure. I didn’t have any relatives to stay with so I ended up in the system for a while.” He paused, flicked the ash from his cigarette and took another drag, staring up at the ceiling.

“Eventually a woman named Ur fostered me. She had a grown-up daughter Ultear who we didn’t see much, and another foster kid named Lyon; they’re the people in the photo. Eventually, Ur decided to adopt me and Lyon officially, and I guess they just kinda became my family after that.” Gray’s voice sounded unfamiliar to him, watery somehow, like he was moving through a stream, being carried by emotions he’d long since repressed. He cleared his throat.

“She sounds like an incredible woman.” Natsu offered, and Gray nodded.

“She was. I was lucky, there were kids who never got a family in there whilst I got one easily, after only a few months. Ur died a few years ago now - she’d been ill for a while so it was no surprise - but I still see Lyon and Ultear now and then.”

Natsu was staring at him so intently, Gray didn’t know how to react. He got rid of more ash from his cigarette onto the ceramic dish by his bed, taking another long and thoughtful drag. The smoke caused a brief divide between them, and Gray was grateful for the reprieve from Natsu’s intense gaze.

“It’s funny, you don’t realise how much you miss people until you talk about them.”

When Natsu stretched his body out like a cat, his tattoo shifted with him, and Gray realised that Natsu understood the sentiment of family, as well as the torment of losing them. He placed his hand tentatively over Natsu’s arm, thumb circling the skin there, until green eyes turned to him in question.

“You mentioned  you had a brother. Where is he now?”

Natsu shifted uncomfortably, sitting up straight so that he was level with Gray. When he spoke, it was the quietest that Gray had ever heard him,

“He’s in prison. The papers called him ‘Magnolia’s Manson’, you probably heard about it.”

“Your brother was Zeref? As in the sect leader that tried to sacrifice dozens of people?” Gray couldn’t help the way his voice rose in volume. He was in shock, had studied the Zeref case in great detail whilst studying for the force, and could see no familial resemblance between Natsu and the infamous leader. But when Natsu flinched, Gray regretted his outburst and moved his hand to cup Natsu’s face instead.

“Sorry, Natsu. This must be difficult for you to talk about. We can change the topic if you’d like.”

“Sure.” He replied, gaze guarded, and Gray offered him a small kiss on the lips.

“We should go into town, make the most of this beautiful day.”

The pink-haired boy pulled away, flopping gracelessly back onto the bed with a sigh, body exposed in a careless fashion.

“Nah, too tired.” He yawned as if to punctuate his point, and Gray laughed, pushing at him with his foot. He snubbed out his cigarette, not taking his eyes from Natsu.

“It’s the middle of the day you lazy bastard! We have to do something or else we’ll just end up wasting the day.”

With his eyes closed, Natsu grinned, hand reaching blindly until it came into contact with Gray’s thigh and then roamed higher until Gray gasped at the contact.

“I can think of something better to spend our time doing,” Natsu commented teasingly.

Gray rolled his eyes, but there was a pinkness to his cheeks, a longing which he couldn’t contain.

“I thought you were tired?”

“Not that tired!”

With a laugh, Gray threw himself down by Natsu’s side, curling up to the man’s warmth. A lazy day in wouldn’t be boring with Natsu to keep him company, and Gray was certain they’d be able to occupy their time.

Natsu pressed their lips together, tongue pressed against Gray’s mouth until his lips parted, and they settled into a slow rhythm, as the sun blinked through the gap in Gray’s curtains, and their limbs began to tangle once more.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter... I have a couple drabbles I wanna add about this universe but honestly this’ll be the first multichapter fic I’ve ever finished and that makes me proud. 
> 
> Thanks again to my lovely beta mdelpin! 
> 
> Don’t forget that ftlgbtales / lgbtfairytailnet are running a pride event for the month of June ;)

Natsu howled as he ran, breath coming out of him in harsh pants. Meredy was behind him, Erik at her side, and they were laughing too, freely into the night sky. When the air was clear of smoke and the sound of sirens was nothing more than a distant hum, Natsu collapsed against on the edge of an alleyway, and Meredy darted into the opening, dragging Erik with her. Their lips collided messily, desperately, and Natsu turned away to face the street, not wanting to disturb his friends who did not show this kind of affection in public often. What he did had a habit of bringing out emotions like that, and Natsu knew from his own experience how potent it could become. 

  
A couple walked across the street, two women holding hands. One had a shock of scarlet hair, the other bright white, tied in a bun. Natsu recognised them from the club, and given the time assumed that that would be where they were heading. He was surrounded by couples, and yet he was all alone. Natsu coughed, forcing images of Gray from his mind. But like the plague, they just kept returning, the adrenaline in his system a fuel stronger than petrol. He wanted to see Gray, and badly. 

  
“Are we far enough away from the police?” Erik mumbled, and Natsu rolled his eyes. That was why he tried not to bring them along to his nightly endeavours; Erik worried too much. 

  
Meredy’s eyes narrowed, tapping Natsu playfully on the shoulder.   
  


“Natsu wouldn’t mind either way; he’s into coppers now, aren’t ya Natsu?”    
  


He spluttered, cheeks heating, as Meredy’s musical laughter carried in the heavy darkness. Erik was confused, of course, but laughed along with her anyway. She had that effect on people.   
  


“Natsu, you’re not dating an officer are you?” The other man mused, and Natsu stiffened.   
  


“We’re not dating. Just casual.”    
  


His teeth were gritted, but still he refused to meet the gaze of either of his friends.The relationship he had with Gray was difficult, and one that had caused enough inner turmoil for him to last a lifetime, maybe even more. He liked the man too much, perhaps, for something as casual as sex, but it was dangerous to get attached to someone in Gray’s position. Natsu’s head knew that fact with clarity, but that did not mean that his heart would be prepared to listen. 

  
“Still, that’s a pretty risky game pal.”    
  


In response, Natsu exhaled all of the air in his lungs, hard. That was not sufficient for Meredy, never would be. Her eyes sparkled with mischief, and Natsu wondered why he kept these two around. It certainly was not for their innate support of his love life.    
  


“Why do you think we have to return to that mediocre club all the time now? Natsu wants to see that guy, and he seems quite pretty from what I can tell; I don’t blame him for chasing the guy.” Meredy teased, and Erik flicked her gently between the eyes.   
  


“Should I be getting worried, candy?”    
  


“You know there’s only one man for me.”    
  


When they began kissing again, Natsu pushed away from the wall, cleared his throat to get their rather diverged attention.   
  


“I’m off. Got stuff to do.”    
  


As Natsu walked away, Meredy’s words hit him between the shoulder blades, a physical blow that he flinched away from.   
  


“Don’t you mean someone to do? A very pretty policeman, perhaps?”    
  


He flipped her off, not bothering to turn around, but the heat in his body rose again, and his heart adamantly refused to calm. His friends knew him too well, it was almost uncanny how they could pin down his emotions and actions so easily. It was almost a blessing that they had not had a conversation with Gray yet.     
  


Yet.   
  


They were not a couple, could barely be classed as acquaintances, and yet Natsu was already wondering when he could get together with Gray and his friends. These feelings were unfamiliar, and somewhat unpleasant; he had spent so much of his life independently, now that his soul was yearning for another, Natsu was lost, unsure what to do next. 

  
Everything was too complicated, too much, and Natsu started to run again, as if the physical push of his body would allow him to literally outrun his problems. But Natsu knew that he would never be that lucky, and when his feet carried him absentmindedly to Gray’s doorstep, that seemed to be proof enough.   
________________________________________   
  


Gray’s apartment was cold, just how he liked it, and Gray was even colder, hardly wearing clothes; relaxation was rare in his line of work, and Gray fully intended to bask in this opportunity to take for himself and do, well… nothing.   
  


There was a lot to wade through, complex emotions that had him ensnared, uncertain; he was in love with Natsu. Or he thought he was, at least, and cannot comprehend how someone can think it and not feel it. So surely that was the case, explaining his irrational and impulsive desire to be with Natsu whenever possible?   
Groaning, Gray dug the heels of his palms into his tired eyes and flung his head back onto his settee.

  
It was going to be a long night.   
  


Between his work and whatever it was that Natsu entertained his time with, they had not been able to spend much time together; not as much as Gray would have liked, anyway. And when they did it was always… intimate. That was nice, amazing in fact, but it was not enough for Gray, not now, after he had been touched by Natsu’s warmth. He wanted to be engulfed in that light always.   
  


But Natsu was secretive, barely spoke about his past and did not even begin to touch on the present, keeping all of his cards firmly against his chest. He was the man that Gray loved, and yet he was a total mystery, an enigma. Before their relationship progressed Gray would need to break down those walls, and that was seemingly impossible. Still, Gray was determined to try. He clenched his fists, stared into thin air with the determination to succeed; Natsu clearly craved his body and would not keep returning if that was not the case. Gray just had to make the other man crave his soul too.

  
A sharp chap on the door, followed by three quieter knocks, caused Gray to jump. Frowning to himself, he checked the clock. There was only one person who would be calling past midnight.   
  


Gray almost tripped over himself in his haste to get to the door. He did not check through the peephole, simply flinging it open hard enough to break the hinges. Natsu greeted him, of course, and Gray hoped the way his eyes light up and cheeks flush happily are not overly noticeable. Not that Natsu seemed to be in a state to notice, his cheeks ruddy, hair tousled. He looked to be exhausted, but still stunning. Gray could not wait to touch him again.

  
"Natsu-"   
  


Forcing himself into the apartment, Natsu's lips came down on Gray's hard, holding them captive as he walked backwards until Gray's back was to the wall and Natsu's hands were gripping his hair tight enough to make the other man wince. He pushed at Natsu's chest, and the other man pulled away an inch, meeting Gray's gaze for only a second before his mouth was on Gray's throat, licking a strip over Gray's collarbone.

  
"At least let me shut the door... I don't wanna be put on display, Natsu." Gray laughed breathlessly, and Natsu growled, an already promising erection tenting his joggers. Considering Gray’s nudist tendencies, voyeurism was not one of his kinks, and after the noises that Natsu made whenever he came around, Gray thought that sex in the doorway might be the final straw for his neighbours. Natsu, however, did not seem ready to comply. 

  
"Don't care. Want you."   
  


Natsu's words were enough to stir Gray's own interest, and his heart was beating harder than it ever had before. This scene was reminiscent of their first night together, and yet Gray did not remember feeling this overwhelmed, or this smitten.   
This is love.   
  


If it was not clear to him before, it was then, when Natsu's hand flailed backwards, reaching until it came into contact with Gray's door. It clicked shut softly, and then Natsu's hands found Gray's boxers, sliding behind them to squeeze his backside until Gray was moaning and bucking into the touch. He had to tell Natsu how he felt, no matter the consequences, because this feeling was toxic, addicting, and Gray did not think that he was capable of giving it up. He was a strong man, but... maybe not strong enough.

  
Gray inhaled, steadied himself against Natsu's body, and cupped the shorter boys face in his hands.

  
"Natsu... why do you smell like smoke?"   
  


Not what he had intended, and that frustrated him, but Natsu's eyes were so green, so blown with desire, it was the only thing that his brain could process fully, the only thing that differed from the norm. The smell was deeper than the cigarette smoke that Gray was accustomed to, and it masked Natsu’s normal smell of patchouli and Old Spice, added another dimension to them. Gray was not sure if he liked the change or not.    
  


A simple question, and yet Natsu stiffened, cleared his throat and straightened his back. Gray was not sure if he would get an answer, thought that maybe Natsu had closed himself off completely over something so small, but then Natsu’s voice reached him, flat and sharp, cut jagged like glass, "I have friends who smoke."

  
It made sense, but still Gray felt uneasy. Something about the rigid line of Natsu's jaw had Gray's stomach tightening uncomfortably, uncertainty spreading through him. He could blame it on his job and how it had made him a cynic, or paranoia as a side effect of his antidepressants, but Gray knew that his intuition was good, that it had never failed him. This was something that he would have to revisit at a later date, when Natsu was more open to talking to him. If that day ever came, of course.    
Shaking his head to clear his whirring thoughts, Gray ran his thumb over Natsu's cheek. The other man was positively vibrating with need, but his expression was one of a man who wanted to flee. Although Gray was flattered, was feeling pretty hot himself, he knew that this was his best opportunity to say everything that he wanted, and it was no doubt too awkward to try anything intimate now, after he had inadvertently trodden on the invisible line that Natsu had drawn between them. So, he did all he could; he tried again.

  
"Natsu, I have something important to tell you."   
  


Had it been this difficult with previous partners? Gray did not think so. But they had not been Natsu, did not have the younger man’s swagger or wit or beauty. For something so casual, Gray knew how lucky he was; Natsu was positively ethereal, and every moment that they spent together was a blessing. Gray wanted to be greedy, wanted more of that splendour.   
  


Natsu tilted his head to the side, chewing the inside of his cheek. Of course he assumed the worst, most people would in his situation. Gray tried to soften his gaze, make himself more approachable, but these ice walls he had built were designed to keep things in more than out, and he froze, begging Natsu to just understand.Life was not that simple, never had been for Gray, and instead Natsu took a step back, away from him entirely.

  
"Shit. Sorry. This isn't how I wanted this to go..." Gray groaned, and Natsu looked positively terrified. His eyes were glassy, the last traces of lust finally fading from them, and Gray cursed himself and his emotional incompetence. He took one last, shaky breath before he tried again.   
  


"Natsu, I-"   
  


Perfectly on cue, Gray's phone vibrated angrily from the coats which hung next to them, and he was fully prepared to ignore it, to confess his feelings and see where they may take them, but the phone in that jacket was his work phone, and it only rang at this hour in a dire emergency.   
  


With a stream of the strongest swear words he could conjure falling colourfully from his kiss-bruised lips, Gray shuffled around Natsu and dug his phone from the pocket. The caller ID was Gajeel's, as he expected, but that did not ease his frustrations at all. Mouthing an apology to Natsu, he answered the call.   
  


"What is it, Gajeel?" Gray's tone was flat, tired. He did not have the energy for drama anymore, not after Natsu had turned up when he was still trying to figure out how he felt about the pink haired man.   
  


"There's been another fire, indisputably linked to the END case. I'll text you the address. Oh, and wear trousers this time."   
  


Gajeel hung up the phone before Gray could retaliate. It had been one time, at four in the morning! His sleep-deprived brain could be a cruel mistress, and yet Gray seemed to regularly be succumbing to her. Turning back to Natsu with a sigh, Gray shook his phone in the other man's direction.   
  


“Sorry… work calls.”   
  


Gray was sheepish, could see the horrified way that Natsu’s jaw slackened, eyes wide and chest heaving. He did not meet Gray’s gaze, could not look away from the smartphone gripped in Gray’s palm. He nodded, gulped audibly, and pushed past Gray to the exit.   
  


"Hey, wait... we still need to talk." He tried to grab Natsu's arm, hold him back, but the other man pushed him off, glared at him through long lashes. It was there again, the hardness that Gray could not place. He took a step away from it, unfamiliar and afraid.   
  


"What's there to talk about? This was just about sex, Gray, that's all. And if you can't give me what I want then I'll get it elsewhere."   
  


________________________________________   
  
Natsu did not look at Gray's face as he left, could not face the hurt that he had placed there. But this was all he could do, his last gift to Gray; Natsu knew that this would be the last time that they would meet, that it had to be.   
He had heard the phone conversation, and it scared him. Of course he had known about Gray's occupation, had briefly enjoyed the irony of it, but had he known that Gray was directly involved in his case... Natsu did not know if it would have made much of a difference. Gray was beautiful, and every cell of Natsu's body desired him; he did not know if he was strong enough to resist that kind of pull, or temptation.   
  


For a moment, Natsu had thought the impossible, thought that maybe he and Gray would work, would be able to make a proper go of things, but of course they were no more than childlike fantasies. No, they were fairy tales. Nothing that good ever happened to him, and Natsu understood why, knew that he had done nothing to deserve a happily-ever-after. And this was his punishment, fate’s ultimate mockery. The first thing in his life that he had truly wanted was lost to him, and he could blame nothing but his own actions.    
  


Walking down the street, Natsu spit onto the ground, tucking his hands into his pockets and letting his eyes fall onto the night’s sky. But it reminded him of Gray, of everything he had given up, and it was too much. It was all far too much.   
  


This fire was whimsical, more than his others had ever been, and afterwards all he could think, all he could want, was Gray. The adrenaline had faded from his system now, but immediately after it had rife, and he had landed at Gray's doorstep without a second thought. Normally Natsu would head to the club, find something casual to bury himself into, but Gray was better than alcohol, better than sex, and it terrified Natsu. He felt stupid, getting as attached as he had gotten to someone who was so far away, so unattainable.   
  


Night time had swallowed the light, and although Natsu would normally revel in the blackness, now it felt suffocating. He wanted to exit it, to better himself. But this was who he was, and he could not change that, did not know where to begin. Smoke singed the crisp air, barely noticeable to people who were not used to it, and for the first time in his life the smell made Natsu feel sick, worthless.   
  


Now more than ever, he was determined not to get caught. He could not stand to see the look of disappointment on Gray's face, to be fully and completely disowned by the man he had grown to care deeply about.   
  


The man he had grown to love.   
  


But his feelings did not matter, Natsu knew that much for certain. He kicked a stone down the street, blinked the moisture from his eyes, and planned END's next attack. There were plenty of scumbags around the city who deserved to be exposed, and now Natsu felt like it truly was his duty. He could not be with Gray, but he could help him from afar by doing everything bar handing in these criminals to the police. Natsu was still calculating everything that he would need for the next fire as he stepped over his apartment’s threshold, the ashes of his heart still simmering painfully in his chest.   
  
  



	6. Chapter 6

It was three years before Gray saw Natsu again.   
  


Gray had overslept, which was rare for him, but he had been working longer days, later nights, to no real avail; the END cases had been coming thick and fast of late, and Gray had been agonising over the details, forcing connections which maybe were not there at all. He groaned, sitting back on his chair. He had been at work for over an hour and yet his blood-to-coffee ratio was not high enough for him to handle this all again. There was still sleep in his eyes, and he rubbed at it, idly tapping at his computer.    
  


His dosage of medication had been increased, and although he was grateful, the side effects had started to become more of him than his own flesh and blood was, and that was a scary feeling, losing yourself. His therapist had said that he was lonely, barely coping, but Gray just felt empty, not any better or worse than he usually did.    
  


Even Gray knew that that meant he was doing worse than ever.    
  


The only people he saw regularly were his work colleagues; he did not remember the last time that he had gone out with Loke or Lucy. But the only day that they were all free was the weekend, and Gray did not visit the club with them anymore, so he had stayed at home and watched television instead, drinking alone.    
  


Maybe it was not healthy, but this routine was all Gray had, and the medication being increased had thrown him off kilter, left him feeling spaced-out, tired, and thirsty as all hell. It would be worth it, he tried to rationalise, when he started to feel better; started to feel something.    
  


Gray took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, clearing his mind and allowing himself to focus completely on his work. All he prayed for was a slow and quiet day.    
He had never been a lucky man.   
  


When Juvia came bursting into the room, breathless, Gray knew that something important had happened, good or bad.   
  


“We’ve got him.”   
  


A moment passed, and then Gray was standing, running, sprinting down the corridor with Juvia fast behind him. People were swearing at him, shouting at him to stop, but he paid them little attention; they had done it. After over three years, the criminal known as END had been placed into custody. Gray could not wait to look into the eyes of the man who had been at the forefront of his ailed mind for so long.    
This case had haunted him, had been both the highlight and bane of his career; there was never enough evidence on the scene to give a lead, never enough connections between cases for a definite motive to be determined. CCTV was useless, and there were no witnesses who came forward. For a while, Gray had been hopeless, but this was it, their defining moment as a team. It was almost unbelievable, how much excitement could be generated from something so serious, but he had put so much of himself into his work, thrown himself into it completely, that this achievement was personal as much as it was professional.    
  


He was almost breathless when he arrived at the questioning room, which was easily identifiable due to Gajeel standing outside. Gajeel’s arms were folded, his gaze anxious. Their eyes met, and neither of them could help the small smirk which tugged at their lips. This had been a long time coming, after all.   
  


Gray cleared his throat,   
  


“Have you spoken to him yet?”   
  


“Just read him his rights. Wanted to wait for you before I started the heavier stuff.”   
  


In that moment, Gray was infinitely grateful for his team, and how much they respected one another. Gajeel’s words also invoked a sense of pride in the shorter man, as it made it clear that all of Gray’s hard work had not only paid off but had been rightly noted. Gray could not wait to talk to Laxus after this, hopefully begin to work his way up the system, a promotion to mark the end of his first major case.    
  


Juvia appeared with a folder full of information and heavy with authority, and when she handed it to Gray her fingers shook. It was a big moment for them all, one which could change their careers. He breathed, slowly and deeply, and then nodded at Gajeel.   
  


Everything slowed as the door swings open.   
  


Gajeel stepped in first, with Juvia following diligently behind her husband. Gray’s view was obscured, and he took a minute to adjust to the dimmer light of the room. His eyes met END’s from across the room, and his hands failed, spilling the folder all across the floor.   
  


“Natsu?” His voice was smaller than he expected, and he was suddenly very grateful that Juvia and Gajeel are too busy clambering around to catch their paperwork to question his frozen, horror-struck face.   
  


Natsu was wearing a dark green hooded jacket that matched the earthy colour of his eyes, his hands were clasped in front of him, and against his will Gray was stuck remembering how good it felt to be caressed by those warm, strong fingers. He shuddered, taking one tentative step towards the table.   
  


The lamp light was enough to illuminate Natsu’s face, and his lips were parted slightly, nostrils flared and eyes wide, but seemingly unsurprised. Gajeel grabbed Gray’s arm and pulled him around, glaring at his partner.   
  


“What the fuck Gray? You know we can’t show weaknesses here. Please tell me that you don’t know that creep?” He hissed quietly, and Gray swallowed in response, hesitating a second before nodding.   
  


“I did… once. A long time ago. I won’t let it interfere, I’m sorry.” Any earnestness was lost from Gray’s voice, and he was eyed by his two colleagues dubiously.   
  


They slipped into their respective chairs, with Juvia remaining hovering around the door. Gray loosened his tie when nobody spoke, feeling uncomfortable under Natsu’s knowing gaze.   
  


This did not make sense. Nothing did. He had been seeing Natsu whilst they were investigating END, and yet he never noticed anything about his ex-lover which would lead him back to the criminal. What sort of an officer was he, dating the person he was searching for? There had to have been signs, something he overlooked in his lust-smitten haze. And yet, he had always felt that maybe END and his team were not necessarily bad natured even in their criminality, had even tried to link their actions to helping solve other crimes. Maybe subconsciously, Gray had always known, had always made the connection which was impossible to miss. Natsu’s private nature, how he seemed to fold into the night like a second skin, his smoke-stained fingertips when Gray had never seen a cigarette pass his lips. Gray despised how much sense it did make, and yet there was still so much for him to ask, to understand, before he would be able to sleep again, or work again. And none of it could be asked as part of the official investigation.   
  


Despite what he had just said, Gray asked one more favour of his partner.   
  


“Gajeel, I would like a few minutes alone with him. Off record.” He was tight lipped, eyes never leaving Natsu’s defiant, unapologetic gaze.   
  


Gajeel’s chair slipped back, and he crossed his arms, concerned and confused brows knitted tightly together.   
  


“You know I can’t do that, Gray. It breaks just about every code in-”   
  


“Please.”   
  


Gray turned to face his partner – his friend – and whatever expression his face showed was clearly enough for Gajeel; he nodded slowly, took Juvia by the hand and checked the voice recorder was still turned off before they both left.   
  


“Five minutes.” Juvia warned, eyes like blue steel, but Gray did not bother responding. Not when Natsu was sat in front of him, finally, after all of this time.   
  


Even though Gray knew that they did not have time to waste, the silence which followed was stifling, and difficult to break. Neither man spoke, merely took in the appearance of the other. Natsu looked as good as Gray remembered, only his undercut had been exchanged for shoulder length pink curls, tied behind his head in a messy fashion. There was another scar, cut jagged along the length of Natsu’s jaw, and Gray felt sick at how much it tingled through his spine and groin, how much he wanted to touch it.   
  


“You grew your hair out. It looks good.” He commented, leaning forward on the desk.   
  


Natsu slammed his open palm on the desk, eyes flaring with anticipation.   
  


“Cut the bollocks, Gray. Three fucking years I left you for. Don’t act like it didn’t hurt.” 

 

He sneered.   
  


It was bait, Gray knew that much. Natsu was defensive, lashing out because that was easier, hurt him less, than admitting his faults. Knowing this did not prevent him from biting.    
  


“Of course it fucking hurt, you arsehole! What do you want me to do? Spin you some tale about how much I cried, how much I searched for you? Fuck that. I don’t need your pity, I need answers. Not about the case, but about us.”   
  


The tension in the room was almost unbearable, but Gray was not sure if he wanted to punch the man or throw him on the table and take him there and then. Probably both, he decided, his emotions mixed and weighted, pressing down on his chest painfully.   
  


Natsu sighed, scratching the scar on his jaw with dirty, ragged nails.   
  


“The last night I saw you, you got a call from work. From the station, saying that END had just set some shit on fire. What was I supposed to do, get on my knees and beg for you to not arrest me? Get on my knees and blow you until you forget about work and don’t ask me why I always smell of smoke again, or why you can never meet my friends? We were doomed, Gray. From the fucking start. That shit was toxic and would never work. You made the mistake of thinking that I gave a shit about you, but that was your problem all along; I loved your dick but could take or leave you. So, I left. And now here we are.”   
  


Before he had time to think, Gray had crossed the distance between them, his chair clattering noisily to the ground with the speed of his movement. He heard Juvia outside, trying the door, and then Gajeel arguing with her to keep out of it. Gray did not think he had ever been more grateful for such an understanding partner before. He gripped Natsu’s collar, held their faces mere inches apart.   
  


“No, don’t you dare fucking do that. You cared about me and you know it. You left because you had to, I get that, but don’t try any of that sparing-my-feelings bullshit now by trying to scare me off, Natsu. I loved you, fuck, I still love you. Nobody since mattered, because all I could think about was you. If you think that that’s about to change because of some self-sacrificing bollocks that you’ve conjured up then you don’t remember much about me from three years ago. And I’m a lot harder now than I was then.” Gray’s nostrils flared, and there was a flicker of something in Natsu’s expression that was not there before; admiration, or simply recognition of what Gray was saying, maybe. There was no time to ponder it, however, because before Gray had time to blink Natsu’s lips were on his.   
  


A moment of hesitation and then Gray had a painful grip on Natsu’s hair, smirking when the smaller man hissed. Their lips were rough with each other, clattering teeth and biting whenever and wherever they could. It was almost shameful how much just a mere kiss could stir within Gray, but he could not bring himself to care. He was trying to catch smoke with a net, being with Natsu, but it was worth it. God, it was fucking worth it.   
  


They rested their foreheads together, and if it were not for the proximity Gray may not have heard what Natsu murmured next,   
  


“I never once forgot a second of what happened three years ago.”   
  


Natsu sat back down, and Gray mirrored him, stunned by how easily he was once again drawn back into Natsu’s flame, even though his burns had not healed from before.

  
He paused, chewed his next words around his mouth, tasted them before he offered them to Natsu.   
  


“You’re looking at around three years and a small fortune in fines, maybe 5 years maximum. Let me promise you something, Natsu; I’ll be there when you get out. No matter how long it takes, or what obstacles there are between us, I’ll wait for you. I’ll always be waiting for you.”   
  


Gray tried to hold Natsu’s gaze, but the film coating his eyes forced him to look away. Natsu did not comment, did not fight or embrace Gray’s proposal. That was a start, perhaps, for them. More than three years ago had been, anyway.    
  


The door was swung open, and Gajeel hesitated in the doorway for only a second. As he and Juvia entered, Gray stood up and left, much to the discontent of his partner. The room was small, and Natsu was intoxicating; the less time Gray spent with him the better it would be for both of them.   
  


For a fleeting moment, he regretted what he had offered, chaining himself to a criminal for up to five years, but the thoughts instantly dissipated like smoke in the nights sky. Even if he was burnt to cinders, being able to touch Natsu, walk alongside him, was not a future that Gray could pass up on. END had never hurt anyone, and Gray believed that Natsu was fundamentally a good person. Did that make him a lunatic? Probably. But as Gray pushed open the door to the bathroom and threw some cold water over his face, he tasted Natsu’s lips on his own once more, and he knew that he would rather be insane and in love than ever be without Natsu again.   
  


He had waited for three years, served half of his sentence, and he would wait for three more. For Natsu, for himself; for the sake of their future. And they would have one, Gray knew with certainty, had to for his own conviction, and his own mentality. The bathroom door closed and Gray headed back to the interrogation room, back to his partner.   
  


Back to work.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe that this is the first multichapter fic I've ever goddamn completed for this fandom? It's laughable but also makes me kind of proud... This isn't the end, though! I have three / four drabble ideas set within this universe which I do intend to write, I just couldn't make them fit into the main story. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read it; thank you even more to those who cared enough to comment. 
> 
> And thanks to mdelpin for supporting me even when I wanted to give up. Ily, mother <3


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